Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
