So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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