I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
