you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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