I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
