I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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