How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
