Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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