I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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