im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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