it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
