I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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