I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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