On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
