small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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