We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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