I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
