so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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