I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
