you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
