Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
