I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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