I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
