you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
