we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
