If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
