what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
