you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
