This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
