my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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