If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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