haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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