You're my little dorito
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
