at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
meet me or not, i'm out of control
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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