I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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