she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
