shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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