i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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