No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
