I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Randomize
