you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
