The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
