I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
