2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
