i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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