She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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