stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
