I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
