gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
