Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
