a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
