Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
